I have a child that I lay awake at night worrying about.
It's not my autistic child.
It's not my littlest one, a picky eater, with asthma.
It's not my headstrong child who is challenging us by trying all the negative attention getting behavior she can think of lately.
It's my perfect child. It's my child who is as normal and typical as they come. It's my child who is doing well in school, makes friends with everyone she meets, and is good at everything she tries. She is reading above grade level and scoring higher in math than most of her peers. She is eager to please. She is tall and strong and healthy. She gets the most sleep at night, is willing to try almost anything I feed her, and does most of her chores without being told.
And I lay in bed and worry that I'm failing her.
I worry that I don't give her enough attention.
I worry that the others take more than their share of the nurturing and understanding.
I worry that we expect her to act older than she is (because she does most of the time).
I worry that she thinks I don't have time for her.
I worry that she thinks I don't understand her.
I worry that she will grow up resenting her siblings because they got more attention.
I worry that I might not notice if/when she does struggle, because I just always assume that she is ok.
I worry that she will hate me when she's older, because she will think that I ignored her.